Many of you know through social media that my sweet dog Baxter passed away. He was 15 and a half years old and my best little companion.
The grief I've experienced has been unimaginable, and it's taught me a lot. Writing during this time has been incredibly therapeutic for me. Crying is another thing I've done a whole lot of, and it's a powerful form of emotional release.
Below I'm sharing a few of my journal entries that contain tributes to Baxter. In another post I will share some of my writings on navigating grief and loss.
I've been so inspired to write lately, and the words seem to just flow onto the paper. It's helped me heal.
Thank you for blessing my life for 15 1/2 amazing years. I will miss you more than words can express. I have cried 10,000 tears and I will probably cry 10,000 more. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but I would have never been ready. Born on 11.11, you were my little angel, my lucky charm. You were the first spark of joy I felt when I moved to Dallas 16 years ago. The moment I saw you, I knew I’d be taking you home with me. It was love at first sight.
We’ve been through so much together. You were always the grounded one. Always happy, always calm, always loving. You were a bright light in my life. Your unconditional love taught me to love better. Your forgiveness taught me to forgive. Your playfulness helped me be more playful. Your calm demeanor helped me be more calm. Your easy-going personality helped me be less rigid. You taught me so much. I’m not sure what I’ll do without you.
I loved waking each morning and coming into your room to wake you up. I loved our morning time together. I would drink my coffee and journal and you would lay by my side. You made even the most mundane of times more enjoyable. I loved holding you in my arms and giving you big hugs. I will miss you sleeping in my lap. I will miss watching you run and chase squirrels. I will miss cuddling you in my arms. I will miss hanging out with you everyday in my office while I work. I will miss having you in my life. I love you so much forever and always.
Baxter was by my side everyday. He was the first one I’d see when I woke up in the morning. I would go into my office where Baxter slept in his super comfy bed. And I would gently wake him up. I’d pet him and scratch his head. He’d pop his head up. Sometimes it took a little while to get him up. Other times, he’d hop right up ready to start the day.
The first thing he always did was stretch. He’d stretch his front legs then his back legs, then he’d run out of my office. He’d often run back and forth a little bit until I could grab him and take him downstairs to go outside. He’d do his business then dash back in. He could run fast even in his last days. I’d make my coffee and feed him. Then we’d go upstairs to my office and have our morning time.
We’d sit on my couch together. He’d lay next to me with his toy. I would drink my coffee and journal, read, or do breathwork. It was a special time. I loved our mornings together. I’d scratch his back and scratch his neck. He loved being scratched under his chin. I’d scratch him for a bit, then stop. And he would lift his head up for me to keep going. It was the cutest thing.
It’s been raining here since he left this world. The earth is crying with me, maybe God is showering me with love for the loss of this beautiful soul that graced the earth for 15 1/2 years. I know only his physical body is dead. He’s still alive. His spirit lives on, and my prayer is that he’s surrounded by love and filled with peace. That he is the happiest he’s ever been right now. That he wouldn’t choose to come back even he could. That he wants to be exactly where he is. I’ve always wanted the absolute best for sweet Baxter and he gave me the best. And I still want the best for him. Even if it means a period of grief and sadness for me. He deserves to be free, to feel good, to be happy, to be at peace. I love you so much sweet boy.